“Love isn’t “deserved”, as in: If only I had said the right thing, made the perfect gesture, or found a way to be more, to be good enough, then I would deserve love. We don’t become worthy of love someday; we are worthy of love simply because we exist”
~ Meggan Watterson
The Search for Love
In our search for love and acceptance we often focus outward on how to develop a sense of fulfilment, how to be loved and appreciated (we have to “find” love). We seek a revelation in the outside world and many feel that they actually don’t deserve love or for things to go well. Too often people view themselves as undesirable or broken and so we fake it, put on a nice thick protective shell that hides our beautiful unique selves from the outside world to put on a show of something or someone we perceive to be more desirable!
And with this in mind, it is no wonder that when things do go well, self-sabotage kicks in “I don’t deserve this”. In some way, we disengage or contribute to self-destruction of the very thing we were enjoying. On the other side, giving oneself love or appreciation (and I don’t mean at the expense of others or for some agenda), what I mean is if you accept and appreciate who you are then society has ingrained into us that this is self-indulgent or selfish. So we are pretty skrewed! Our search for love out in the world is fruitless and when fruitful we sabotage it and our internal love is selfish and leaves us feeling guilty!
The Dilemma
This creates one hell of a dilemma as finding love, acceptance and appreciation cannot exist outside of you, it is when your individual needs are fulfilled through (or within) your interaction with the outside world (relationships) that you can start finding your own, unique experience of “love” (behaviours that contribute to fulfilment) whatever that means or looks like to you. In this “your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Helen Schucman.
Where to From Here?
Addressing the barriers assists in opening yourself up to navigating your world differently and endeavouring to have your (personal) needs met. That is where your love lies and the mere fact of your existence allows you to discover this about you.
I take from Bieber himself – “Baby, you should go and love yourself”
